Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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