At least make sure they are 18
Why
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I am one with the molecules
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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