And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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