We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
