the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
