I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
it was like eating out sand paper
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
