two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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