I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
