I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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