Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
