I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
