It's a beautiful day for a hangover
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Operation Purity has been aborted
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
