I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
