you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
