ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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