his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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