Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
so let's talk penis.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
