He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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