In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
These tits shall not be calmed
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
