i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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