i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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