Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He shit in the fireplace
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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