I'm laying in your front yard are you home
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
you didnt know i had herpes?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
