hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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