i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
