You made me cry and you don't even care
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
