i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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