We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
