turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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