I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
