If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
