I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
