the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Walk of Shame today included voting.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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