Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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