Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
