Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
