Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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