Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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