i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
