Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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