yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
