Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
