marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
