Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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