and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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