Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
