we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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