I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
