apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Who died my cat blue again?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
