Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
