don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
We need to get me chipped asap
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
