Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
