help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Randomize
