True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
