Your mouth is God's brothel.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
