Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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