I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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