I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
being pregnant is like rehab
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
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